Sep 28

Who Is The Highest-Paid Comedian?

Photo: forbes.com

Photo: forbes.com

 

JERRY SEINFELD has been the world’s highest-paid comedian since 2006.  But this is the year his reign ends.  The new king of the mountain is KEVIN HART.  And it’s not even close. Kevin has made $87.5 million over the past year . . . compared to Seinfeld’s $43.5 million.  That’s more than DOUBLE Jerry’s haul.  A big reason for Kevin’s massive income is his relentless touring. Meanwhile, AMY SCHUMER became the first woman to ever make the list.  She came in fourth, with $17 million . . . just behind ventriloquist TERRY FATOR, who banked $21 million.

 

Here’s the Top 10 . . .

 

1.  Kevin Hart, $87.5 million.

 

2.  Jerry Seinfeld, $43.5 million.

 

3.  Terry Fator, $21 million.

 

4.  Amy Schumer, $17 million.

 

5.  Jeff Dunham, $13.5 million.  (Yes, TWO puppet guys in the Top 10.  Where did we go wrong, America?)

 

6.  Dave Chappelle, $13 million.

 

7.  Jim Gaffigan, $12.5 million.

 

8.  Gabriel Iglesias, $9.5 million.

 

9.  Russell Peters, $9 million.

 

10.  John Bishop, $7 million.

 

 

(Check out Forbes.com for more info.)

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Sep 4

Here’s How You Make Sex Awkward in Five Words

Bored-Couple-in-Bedroom-e1368058526996

There’s a new trend on Twitter where people try to come up with a phrase that would INSTANTLY make sex awkward.  And it can only be five words.  Here are the 10 best ones online.

 

1.  “Grandpa died on this bed.”

 

2.  “They say it’s not contagious.”

 

3.  “That is not my name.”

 

4.  “What are good kid’s names?”

 

5.  “I kind of like Nickelback.”

 

6.  “Where do I put this?”

 

7.  “My ex always did that.”

 

8.  “I think I love you.”

 

9.  “I learned this in prison.”

 

10.  “My cats like to watch.”

 

 

(Cosmopolitan / Twitter)

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Aug 12

Ice Cube & Fallon Explain What N.W.A. Does Not Mean

 

With the brand new movie Straight Outta Compton hitting theaters this week, Ice Cube stopped by the Jimmy Fallon Show to explain what N.W.A. DOES NOT stand for. Check out the hilarity

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Mar 24

A Montage of Soldiers Getting Pranked for Falling Asleep

 

A video called Don’t Fall Asleep in the Military is making the rounds online.  It’s three minutes of soldiers getting woken up by pranks . . . like having hot sauce squirted in their mouth. We salute and honor all in the military, but this is FUNNY!

 

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Jan 5

The Top Tips for Getting in Shape [Humor]

Photo: advancingyourhealth.org

Photo: advancingyourhealth.org

If your New Year’s resolution was to get in shape, we can help you get started with this list of The Top Tips for Getting in Shape.

 

Start eating kale.  But don’t start talking about eating kale, or I’ll kill you.

Eliminate carbs.  Sounds tough, but remember:  cocaine doesn’t have carbs.

Find a workout buddy.  Or a prostitute.  Either way, you’ve got someone to help burn calories.

Be a bad president.  Look how skinny it made Obama!

Cut fatty things from your life.  That’s right.  Get divorced.

Take the stairs at work.  Don’t have a job?  Take the stairs at home.  Don’t have a home?  Maybe fitness shouldn’t be a priority at this time.

Do one squat thrust every time a woman accuses Bill Cosby of sexual assault.

Stop posting memes that say things like, “Chubbies cuddle better.”

Every time you’re about to eat something unhealthy, think about your kids.  You’ll immediately take a shot of whisky instead.

Even if you must eat the whole bag of microwave popcorn, at least refrain from licking the butter out of the empty bag.

Join CrossFit.  Especially if you’re a self-involved a-hole who loves sharing your workouts with Facebook friends who honestly couldn’t care less.

Having sex is a great way to burn calories.  So whatever you do, avoid getting married.

Attempt to do the impossible and convince yourself steamed tofu DOESN’T have the taste and consistency of a festering dish sponge.

Take the stairs instead of the elevator.  And don’t worry, the residual wheezing is also a good calorie-burner.

Move to the Midwest, where you’ll suddenly seem much slimmer by comparison.

Give yourself an incentive to workout . . . like riding your bike to the Cinnabon.

Make sure the six-pack you’re working on at the gym isn’t Guinness.

Do ten crunches every morning . . . but throw the wrappers away before your trainer sees you.

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Dec 18

40% of Us Will Fake Being Happy When We Get Terrible Gifts

Photo: kerryandco.com

Photo: kerryandco.com

 

You’re probably going to get a few mediocre gifts this Christmas . . . the average person gets eight gifts and hates two of them.  So how are you going to handle it?

According to a new survey, 40% of us say . . . FAKE IT and pretend you like them.  Here are a few more results from the survey . . .

The average bad gift costs $68.

The three gifts men dread are ugly ties, ridiculous Christmas sweaters, and cartoon socks.

The three gifts women dread are diet books, tacky ornaments, and gift certificates for plastic surgery.

25% of people admit they’ve bought someone a gift that they knew the person probably wouldn’t like.

Meanwhile, check out this video of kids NOT faking how they feel about these horrible gifts.

 

 

(Daily Mail)

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Nov 21

A Woman Does 14 Impressions of Celebrities Stuck in Traffic

 

Happy Feel Good Friday! A comedian named Lauren O’Brien posted a great video where she impersonates 14 different celebrities . . . if they were stuck in TRAFFIC.  The funniest ones are probably Drew Barrymore, The Olsen Twins, Kristen Stewart, and Miley Cyrus. Check it out!

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Nov 20

The Top 10 Things Dads Worry About

Photo: galleryhip.com

Photo: galleryhip.com

When you sign up to be a dad, you’re signing up for 18 years of intense stress and worrying.  Followed by slightly less stress and worrying . . . but still a lot of stress and worrying . . . until you die.  Goooooo parenting!

 

A new survey found the top 10 things that new dads worry about most.  Check ‘em out.

 

1.  Having teenage daughters who are dating.

 

2.  Braiding ponytails.

 

3.  Providing for the family . . . yes, this was LESS of a concern than ponytails.

 

4.  Choosing the right shoes for their kids.

 

5.  Having the “facts of life” talk.

 

6.  Packing lunches.

 

7.  Their kids being on social media.

 

8.  Having teenage SONS who are dating.

 

9.  Being smart enough to help with homework.

 

10.  Shopping for presents.

 

Source: Daily Mail

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Sep 19

The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear on a First Date

 

Photo: twirlit.com

 

Going on a first date can be awesome . . . or it can be hell.  Here are The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear on a First Date.

 

. . . And that’s when I realized that white supremacy was for me.

 

Trust me, you’re gonna want to wear a condom when you hit this.

 

Hi, I’m in the NFL.

 

I don’t believe in creation OR evolution.  I think we’re all just characters in one of Kanye West’s dreams.

 

Do you speak Klingon, too?

 

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a TV star, but I WAS on an episode of “Cops”.

 

I gotta take this call.  It’s my wife.

 

My water broke.

 

Thanks to all the electro-shock therapy, I no longer hear screams at night.

 

Before we order the appetizers, I should tell you, I’m required by the state to disclose a couple things about my past.

 

This movie is so unrealistic.  Believe me, that’s NOT what happens when you bury a corpse in the middle of the woods.

 

Sorry I couldn’t take you to that other restaurant.  Turns out, it’s entirely staffed by women I’m stalking.

 

No matter what happens, I KNOW I’m getting lucky tonight.  Because I just slipped myself a roofie.

 

In the trunk.  NOW!

 

Dad?

 

You’re a 38D?  So am I!

 

I hope this leads to a second date . . . because I’ve never had one.

 

And THAT is when I got REALLY into necrophilia.

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Jul 5

Comedy Clip Of The Week: Amy Schumer

Photo: cheekycomedy

Everyone likes a good laugh right?! Check out funny comedian Amy Schumer talk about her new boyfriend and the stress of being pretty.

 

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