[Humor] The Top Interesting Facts About the U.S. Military

November 11, 2014

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In honor of today being Veterans Day, here are The Top Interesting Facts About the U.S. Military.

 

On November 11th, every veteran or active duty member is legally allowed to punch a hippy.

 

All branches combined have almost enough fire power to take on the entire Oakland Raiders fan base.

 

Today’s recruits are so young they don’t even know enough to salute Sgt. Slaughter.

 

Since the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, there have been no incidents of foxhole harassment . . . but numerous incidents of foxhole redecoration.

 

World War Two vets hate the movie “Fury” because nobody could spend that much time in a tank with Shia LaBeouf without beating him to death.

 

They didn’t sign up for this job to stand by a fence in El Paso looking for Mexicans.

 

The irony’s not lost on them that they’re battling Muslims at the same time one serves as their commander-in-chief.

 

They were wearing work boots with crew cuts way before lesbians made it fashionable.

 

The Green Berets were established after troops complained about the Army’s glaring lack of fabulously kitschy headwear.

 

The military is a great option for everyone who loves taking orders, and is tired of wasting money on their local dominatrix.

 

Word has it, joining the Navy is just like being on an episode of that “NCIS” show your great-grandfather likes!

 

If you want to make a member of the military laugh, just say the words “Coast Guard.”

 

Mexico borrowed from us for their slogan, An Army of JUAN.

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