The Top Reasons You're Not Voting

November 4, 2014

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Today is Election Day.  Find out why that doesn’t matter to you with this list of The Top Reasons You’re Not Voting.


So much candy to crush, so little time.


Your idea of political engagement is to binge-watch “Veep”.


Diddy told you to rock the vote, but how can you trust him when he neither rocks nor votes?


You only vote for things that matter, like Teen Choice Awards.


The guy in the booth before you just returned from Africa with a cough, fever, and extreme diarrhea.


Polling places require silly things like I.D.’s.  And pants.


You don’t want to ruin your mesh half-shirt with a silly “I Voted” sticker.


You think your vote doesn’t matter.  Which isn’t true.  It REALLY doesn’t matter.


Duh.  Criminals can’t vote.


You were psyched to vote for marijuana legalization.  But unfortunately, you’re WAY too stoned to make it to the polls.


You just looked at your license and remembered you’re under the age of 80.


You voted in 2012 and look how that turned out.


After voting for Obama twice, you’ve vowed to never vote for anything more important than a singing competition.


Your proposition that would force McDonald’s to offer the McRib year-round failed to make it onto the ballot.


You have a busy day planned of trying to wipe the self-satisfied grins off the faces of the smug idiots strutting around with their precious “I Voted” stickers.


You only vote in elections where an extremely unqualified candidate is running for president.


They have that stupid “only vote once” policy.